My worst life event & how I became divorced - new therapies needed
Three questions I'm often asked are, what is the worst thing in my life, how did I become divorced, and are there better therapies than psychology/psychiatry.
These three questions are answered in a story about my ex-wife. She won't mind me telling this story, because everyone knows her side of it. This is just the first time I've openly shared my side. It's a very different story of how two people in love become divorced.
When I first saw this beautiful girl from across a dance floor, throwing back her long black hair as she laughed prettily, I knew we would marry. We did, seven months later. We were so happy. Friends said we were a wonderful couple together, joyful and caring and fun, yet caring and serious too when needed. We all thought it would last forever.
Then one day I came home from work. My wife was in bed. Like a one year old child. Suddenly, just like that, she couldn't talk, she couldn't walk. She could only crawl across the floor, and go "Ga, ga" at a picture book she found.
I called the doctor, who called a psychiatrist who took her into a mental hospital. She was there for months. They tried everything, all the talking therapies and drugs etc available. Nothing worked. She was still like a one-year old child, still couldn't walk or talk. I visited daily after work, and stayed every minute of my spare time.
Eventually they'd tried everything. Doctors shook their heads, saying she might be in hospital for the rest of her life. Only one thing was left to try - electric shocks. They suggested her mind had created a block against something, and electric shocks might break the block.
In those days I wasn't a healer or therapist, and complementary and alternative medicine wasn't available much. I persuaded them to to try other things first that healthcare friends had mentioned, such as a cocktail of drugs. But still nothing worked. She still couldn't walk or talk, and still acted like a one-year old baby. It was heart-breaking.
Electric shocks became the final hope. I was there for the electric shocks. I wanted to be there because I'd loved her so much. As the electric shocks hit her, I was holding her hand as her body jerked into the air. It was terrible to watch. It was terrible to feel her jerking and twitching so violently. We'd loved each other so much.
The electric shock didn't work. She still couldn't walk or talk and still acted like a one-year old.
I never cried in front of her. She needed a happy face. But when not with her, I cried lots. I sobbed at the hopeless horror.
Doctors suggested another shock a week later. If you love someone, you stand by them in worst scenarios. So again I stood, holding her sweet hand, as electric shocks threw her into the air. It didn't help.
The third shock a week later didn't help either.
Doctors said they'd try one last time, the following week. If that didn't help, she'd be hospitalised for life. Doctors even discussed how to divorce someone incapable of understanding, who couldn't even talk.
It was a terrible week, waiting to whether we'd ever live together again, or not.
Finally, the fourth electric shock sort of worked. The important thing was she could suddenly talk. But it wasn't our normal beautifully loving talk. She talked foul language of her step-father sexually abusing her.
Psychiatrists said her memories of sexually abuse were so horrific, she'd blocked them from her mind. Then, because we were so happily married, and she'd felt so safe and secure with me, she unconsciously allowed the blocked memories to come to the surface. But the memories hadn't come out all the way. They stopped part way, and left her as a 1-year old child.
Talking therapies and relevant drugs were now administered. Psychiatrists began to understand her traumas. But I had another trauma. The electric shocks had wiped many of her memories. She didn't remember any good times, only bad. Worse, she didn't recognise me. She didn't know who I was. She didn't believe we were married.
The next day I took our wedding photo album to the hospital, and showed her the lovely photos of us being married. And lots of other happy photos. She didn't believe it for a along time, but slowly I managed to help her understand we'd been happily married though she still had doubts.
After a long time, she was let out of hospital, and came home. It wasn't easy. The side effects of the electric shocks and her sexual abuse trauma were horrid.
First she was still unsure we'd been married. It took months before she accepted me.
Second, her memory losses meant she couldn't do basic life skills. Previously, like me, she'd loved cooking. Now I had to teach her how to butter bread, how to peel a carrot. I even had to show her how to choose which clothes to wear, and how to put them on. It took two years before she could fully function as an adult again.
The third thing was worst. Psychiatrists had not mentioned electric shocks change personality and character traits. They did with my wife, horribly. She had extreme erratic behaviour. One minute she'd be the sweet, loving, kind angelic person she'd always been. The next minute, unexpectedly, she'd irrationally shout or scream. That really was terrible, seeing my beloved angel's character and personality destroyed.
As mentioned, there was no other option at the time. At least she was not hospitalised for life.
Stressful years of helping her took their strain. I became ill myself. Eventually we couldn't cope with each others' illnesses and split up.
Since then, she's had a number of mental health breakdowns. Negative repercussions are not for this story. Occasionally she'd knock on my door crying. Once, I was teaching a class. I called an early break, took her to a therapy room, and resolved her problems within 20 minutes - as she wrote in my testimonial book. She said after, she still loved me. I still loved her, but we know we can't be together.
I always asked her to return for follow up treatments, so I could try to heal her on deeper and more permanent levels. But she never returned until perhaps in breakdown mode again. When we met last year, she was walking home from a meeting for patients with mental health problems. All these years later, she still hasn't fully recovered.
That's the essence of my story. I could say much else, as could my ex-wife. The essence of my being is happiness, so fortunately these past events do not affect me adversely at all.
I sometimes wonder if we'd stayed together, would I have become a global teacher and therapist? Would I have spent so much time caring for her, a big job of work to help our world would have been impossible? Did experiences with her mental health, unconsciously set me on a path as a healer/therapist wanting to help mental health?
Certainly I've led a happy life since, and have now developed a range of 15 different therapies which gain astonishing success for 15 different psychological and psychiatric problems.
Please send healing prayers that more new therapies integrate with orthodox mental health services to help tough cases such as my ex-wife's quicker, easier, more permanently - and safer!
These three questions are answered in a story about my ex-wife. She won't mind me telling this story, because everyone knows her side of it. This is just the first time I've openly shared my side. It's a very different story of how two people in love become divorced.
When I first saw this beautiful girl from across a dance floor, throwing back her long black hair as she laughed prettily, I knew we would marry. We did, seven months later. We were so happy. Friends said we were a wonderful couple together, joyful and caring and fun, yet caring and serious too when needed. We all thought it would last forever.
Then one day I came home from work. My wife was in bed. Like a one year old child. Suddenly, just like that, she couldn't talk, she couldn't walk. She could only crawl across the floor, and go "Ga, ga" at a picture book she found.
I called the doctor, who called a psychiatrist who took her into a mental hospital. She was there for months. They tried everything, all the talking therapies and drugs etc available. Nothing worked. She was still like a one-year old child, still couldn't walk or talk. I visited daily after work, and stayed every minute of my spare time.
Eventually they'd tried everything. Doctors shook their heads, saying she might be in hospital for the rest of her life. Only one thing was left to try - electric shocks. They suggested her mind had created a block against something, and electric shocks might break the block.
In those days I wasn't a healer or therapist, and complementary and alternative medicine wasn't available much. I persuaded them to to try other things first that healthcare friends had mentioned, such as a cocktail of drugs. But still nothing worked. She still couldn't walk or talk, and still acted like a one-year old baby. It was heart-breaking.
Electric shocks became the final hope. I was there for the electric shocks. I wanted to be there because I'd loved her so much. As the electric shocks hit her, I was holding her hand as her body jerked into the air. It was terrible to watch. It was terrible to feel her jerking and twitching so violently. We'd loved each other so much.
The electric shock didn't work. She still couldn't walk or talk and still acted like a one-year old.
I never cried in front of her. She needed a happy face. But when not with her, I cried lots. I sobbed at the hopeless horror.
Doctors suggested another shock a week later. If you love someone, you stand by them in worst scenarios. So again I stood, holding her sweet hand, as electric shocks threw her into the air. It didn't help.
The third shock a week later didn't help either.
Doctors said they'd try one last time, the following week. If that didn't help, she'd be hospitalised for life. Doctors even discussed how to divorce someone incapable of understanding, who couldn't even talk.
It was a terrible week, waiting to whether we'd ever live together again, or not.
Finally, the fourth electric shock sort of worked. The important thing was she could suddenly talk. But it wasn't our normal beautifully loving talk. She talked foul language of her step-father sexually abusing her.
Psychiatrists said her memories of sexually abuse were so horrific, she'd blocked them from her mind. Then, because we were so happily married, and she'd felt so safe and secure with me, she unconsciously allowed the blocked memories to come to the surface. But the memories hadn't come out all the way. They stopped part way, and left her as a 1-year old child.
Talking therapies and relevant drugs were now administered. Psychiatrists began to understand her traumas. But I had another trauma. The electric shocks had wiped many of her memories. She didn't remember any good times, only bad. Worse, she didn't recognise me. She didn't know who I was. She didn't believe we were married.
The next day I took our wedding photo album to the hospital, and showed her the lovely photos of us being married. And lots of other happy photos. She didn't believe it for a along time, but slowly I managed to help her understand we'd been happily married though she still had doubts.
After a long time, she was let out of hospital, and came home. It wasn't easy. The side effects of the electric shocks and her sexual abuse trauma were horrid.
First she was still unsure we'd been married. It took months before she accepted me.
Second, her memory losses meant she couldn't do basic life skills. Previously, like me, she'd loved cooking. Now I had to teach her how to butter bread, how to peel a carrot. I even had to show her how to choose which clothes to wear, and how to put them on. It took two years before she could fully function as an adult again.
The third thing was worst. Psychiatrists had not mentioned electric shocks change personality and character traits. They did with my wife, horribly. She had extreme erratic behaviour. One minute she'd be the sweet, loving, kind angelic person she'd always been. The next minute, unexpectedly, she'd irrationally shout or scream. That really was terrible, seeing my beloved angel's character and personality destroyed.
As mentioned, there was no other option at the time. At least she was not hospitalised for life.
Stressful years of helping her took their strain. I became ill myself. Eventually we couldn't cope with each others' illnesses and split up.
Since then, she's had a number of mental health breakdowns. Negative repercussions are not for this story. Occasionally she'd knock on my door crying. Once, I was teaching a class. I called an early break, took her to a therapy room, and resolved her problems within 20 minutes - as she wrote in my testimonial book. She said after, she still loved me. I still loved her, but we know we can't be together.
I always asked her to return for follow up treatments, so I could try to heal her on deeper and more permanent levels. But she never returned until perhaps in breakdown mode again. When we met last year, she was walking home from a meeting for patients with mental health problems. All these years later, she still hasn't fully recovered.
That's the essence of my story. I could say much else, as could my ex-wife. The essence of my being is happiness, so fortunately these past events do not affect me adversely at all.
I sometimes wonder if we'd stayed together, would I have become a global teacher and therapist? Would I have spent so much time caring for her, a big job of work to help our world would have been impossible? Did experiences with her mental health, unconsciously set me on a path as a healer/therapist wanting to help mental health?
Certainly I've led a happy life since, and have now developed a range of 15 different therapies which gain astonishing success for 15 different psychological and psychiatric problems.
Please send healing prayers that more new therapies integrate with orthodox mental health services to help tough cases such as my ex-wife's quicker, easier, more permanently - and safer!
