Run for love. http://runforlove146.org/?attachment_id=1068
"Love" is a word most people love. They'd love to have love in their lives. But when they don't, when they've experienced the opposite of real love, sexual or mental "abuse", they are called "survivors"...
Survivor is a word not used in some countries. That's because it essentially means the person HASN'T survived adequately. They still have associated problems to do with their abuse. They still suffer inside. And those close to the abused person suffer too.
Someone close to me, a sweet, gentle, happy lady, was sexually abused as a child. She buried the abuse deep in her mind. No-one knew of it, not even her. Except of course the wicked step-father who did it, and her mother who allowed it.
After she married, friends and her and her husband thought it was a marriage made in heaven, and wouild last 'forever'. But one day, her husband returned home from work to find her in bed like a one-year-old child. She couldn't talk, only giggle like a child. She couldn't walk, only crawl around.
No-one knew why she was like it. Except her mother who kept quiet and told no-one about the abuse she'd allowed.
Doctors took the lady into a mental hospital. After countless talking therapies and drugs combinations she was still like a one year old child. Doctors gave up. They said she might be in hospital for the rest of her life.
Eventually, psychiatrists said only one option was left. Electric shock treatment (ECT).
I know her husband well. He hated the idea of ECT, and tried everything possible at the time. His psychologist friends suggested options, including ways to try to talk to her, and cocktails of drugs. Psychiatrists tried his suggestions. But nothing worked. Nowadays other options might be available. But at that time, it seemed that the only option left for her not to be in hospital for life was to try ECT.
Because her husband loved her deeply, he was present, holding her hand as she was thrown in the air by electric shocks. It didn't help. She stayed like a one-year old child. And after watching ECT at work on his loved one, her husband became traumatised himself.
Psychiatrists said they'd try ECT a second time. The same thing happened - nothing except more trauma.
And again a third time.
After the fourth ECT she spoke. She remembered the sexual abuse she'd suffered. Psychiatrists said sexual abuse memories were so horrific to her, she'd buried them away from conscious thought. Because she felt happy and safe in marriage, memories felt able to rise. But they didn't rise fully. They created a 'block'.
Much later, she was discharged from hospital. Psychiatrists said she should never see her mother again, who'd allowed the sexual abuse. Her mother had manipulated in devious ways, not for her daughter's best interests. Mother and daughter did not communicate with other for some time.
After-effects of sexual abuse are almost as horrific as abuse itself. In this case, the lady didn't even remember her husband. He had to show her photographs of their marriage. She didn't know how to butter bread or peel a carrot. It took two years of intensive work, a labour of love, for her husband to help her become a near-functioning adult.
Both wife and husband were still recovering from the ordeal when their first child was born. The (grand)mother who'd been party to the sexual abuse did not see her baby granddaughter. One day, the husband thought it cruel she couldn't see her grandchild, regardless of the past. So he ignored psychiatrists' advice, and invited her over.
Immediately the mother re-started manipulating her daughter. Not long after, her daughter left the marriage and moved nearby, then in with her mother. Her mother was still with the step-father who'd committed the abuse - something psychiatrists said would be unhelpful to recovery.
But the young lady was severely damaged, unable to cope with memories of abuse. Years later she still seeks mental health care for the memories. She can't stand the word "love", equating it with abuse. The husband was severely damaged, watching someone he loved be destroyed by her memories of abuse.
Families are damaged too. Families are often unable to discuss the near-taboo subject of sexual abuse adequately. They're unable to understand each others' actions or feelings about what happened. And they're unable to understand reasons why therapy or ECT was given at the time, or the effects on patient and family.
This story is told to give an insight into the traumatic effects sexual abuse can have on all people associated with the abused person.
Love is needed. Please help the fight against child exploitation, and sexual abuse. Go to:
http://runforlove146.org
"Love" is a word most people love. They'd love to have love in their lives. But when they don't, when they've experienced the opposite of real love, sexual or mental "abuse", they are called "survivors"...
Survivor is a word not used in some countries. That's because it essentially means the person HASN'T survived adequately. They still have associated problems to do with their abuse. They still suffer inside. And those close to the abused person suffer too.
Someone close to me, a sweet, gentle, happy lady, was sexually abused as a child. She buried the abuse deep in her mind. No-one knew of it, not even her. Except of course the wicked step-father who did it, and her mother who allowed it.
After she married, friends and her and her husband thought it was a marriage made in heaven, and wouild last 'forever'. But one day, her husband returned home from work to find her in bed like a one-year-old child. She couldn't talk, only giggle like a child. She couldn't walk, only crawl around.
No-one knew why she was like it. Except her mother who kept quiet and told no-one about the abuse she'd allowed.
Doctors took the lady into a mental hospital. After countless talking therapies and drugs combinations she was still like a one year old child. Doctors gave up. They said she might be in hospital for the rest of her life.
Eventually, psychiatrists said only one option was left. Electric shock treatment (ECT).
I know her husband well. He hated the idea of ECT, and tried everything possible at the time. His psychologist friends suggested options, including ways to try to talk to her, and cocktails of drugs. Psychiatrists tried his suggestions. But nothing worked. Nowadays other options might be available. But at that time, it seemed that the only option left for her not to be in hospital for life was to try ECT.
Because her husband loved her deeply, he was present, holding her hand as she was thrown in the air by electric shocks. It didn't help. She stayed like a one-year old child. And after watching ECT at work on his loved one, her husband became traumatised himself.
Psychiatrists said they'd try ECT a second time. The same thing happened - nothing except more trauma.
And again a third time.
After the fourth ECT she spoke. She remembered the sexual abuse she'd suffered. Psychiatrists said sexual abuse memories were so horrific to her, she'd buried them away from conscious thought. Because she felt happy and safe in marriage, memories felt able to rise. But they didn't rise fully. They created a 'block'.
Much later, she was discharged from hospital. Psychiatrists said she should never see her mother again, who'd allowed the sexual abuse. Her mother had manipulated in devious ways, not for her daughter's best interests. Mother and daughter did not communicate with other for some time.
After-effects of sexual abuse are almost as horrific as abuse itself. In this case, the lady didn't even remember her husband. He had to show her photographs of their marriage. She didn't know how to butter bread or peel a carrot. It took two years of intensive work, a labour of love, for her husband to help her become a near-functioning adult.
Both wife and husband were still recovering from the ordeal when their first child was born. The (grand)mother who'd been party to the sexual abuse did not see her baby granddaughter. One day, the husband thought it cruel she couldn't see her grandchild, regardless of the past. So he ignored psychiatrists' advice, and invited her over.
Immediately the mother re-started manipulating her daughter. Not long after, her daughter left the marriage and moved nearby, then in with her mother. Her mother was still with the step-father who'd committed the abuse - something psychiatrists said would be unhelpful to recovery.
But the young lady was severely damaged, unable to cope with memories of abuse. Years later she still seeks mental health care for the memories. She can't stand the word "love", equating it with abuse. The husband was severely damaged, watching someone he loved be destroyed by her memories of abuse.
Families are damaged too. Families are often unable to discuss the near-taboo subject of sexual abuse adequately. They're unable to understand each others' actions or feelings about what happened. And they're unable to understand reasons why therapy or ECT was given at the time, or the effects on patient and family.
This story is told to give an insight into the traumatic effects sexual abuse can have on all people associated with the abused person.
Love is needed. Please help the fight against child exploitation, and sexual abuse. Go to:
http://runforlove146.org
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